Che Brutta Figura

One of the greatest challenges that I have had living in different countries, learning different languages, and observing different cultures is the concept of a social faux pas, because often we make them without even realizing it, and as a result, end up "giving offense" to someone unwittingly.

When I teach a class, I usually have a few housekeeping rules about class discussion. One is that if one student says "a" and the other student says "b," then student one should not say "A" back, usually resulting in "B" from the second, which then leads to "AAA!!!" then "BBB!!!" and so on, there is no resulting dialectic , no synthesis, only differences.

One of my other "house rules" concerns the concept of "being offended." For, at least, as far as I am concerned, I can only "take offense," and someone cannot offend me. For example, if someone says something to me that just isn't true, I can't, in good faith "take offense," because, well, it just ain't true.

Cultural gaffes, however, are a bit trickier, and so far, no place has been so than Italy. There is a cultural designation of a "brutta figura," and only a native Italian really understands the nuances of that. In short, at some point, every tourist or traveller to Italy will at some point make a faux pas and whether spoken or not, will be considered "che brutta figura." I know that I have my lion's share of such moments in Italy, sometimes wittingly and other times, wondered what just happened?

Sometimes, like walking into a swimming hall full of fashion-model level clad Florentines in fancy bath robes with nice swim bags, being a "brutta figura" is rather patent, other times, you may never know, though all of the Italians will be quite aware of it.

Such situations we find ourselves in even our own cultures, making gaffes and having other talk about us or worse, shame us. Shame within a cultural faux pas can be the deal breaker for further communication. Public shame is a stigma not easily overcome, nor is private for that matter. Not knowing the nuances of a society or social norms can put the kabosh  on even the best intentions.

However, the true "brutta figura" for me, and by all means including myself, is knowing that faux pas, yet still committing it. Again, something that I have done (don't worry, dirty laundry is all aired in good Time), but have hopefully learned to recognize, so that I am not saying "BBBBB!!!!" to a culture's "AAAAAA!!!!" and "giving offense," when none should be taken. But, I am still learning the language of the cultural idioms, including my own.